i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
