What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
