Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
