for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
