My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
