Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
