He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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