just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i think im in europe. pls send help
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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