Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
