her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
