So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
