So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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