Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
