this boner is exhausting
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize