Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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