The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
