Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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