38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
