I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
