porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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