ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize