I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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