he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
