All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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