Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
