Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
