apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
