just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
