I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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