Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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