thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
