guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
