I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
