I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
