And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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