the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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