I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
