my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
