Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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