Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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