I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize