is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
