shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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