Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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