I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
