the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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