she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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