I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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