I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
