i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
