erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
