Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
