i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
