We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
