There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
