they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
