You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
