I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
