So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
