i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
