I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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