yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize