thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
