I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize