If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
